Week 31 - Flip-Flops & Sandals

OMG, OMG, WOOF WOOF WOOFING WOOF-WOOF

1. Backpacks
2. Sunglasses
3. Flip Flops (sandals)

...on the underground.... Why! Take the Woofing sunglasses off your head, you are 30 metres under the ground, you don't need sunglasses! Backpacks are OK ..but take the woofing thing off and carry it so you don't shove it into the person when you turn round.

[Calm]... OK, so we have established that sunglasses and backpacks are more the attire of Michael Palin during a Summer sojourn in the Himalayas. What about the KILLER FLIP FLOPS!

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====== FLIP-FLOPS ARE BEACH APPAREL ======
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I will repeat. Beach, remember, sand, sun and discarded plastic bottles? That is where you ware sandals..NOT ON THE WOOFING METRO!. FLIP-FLOPS ARE DANGEROUS. It is a fact that elevators are x20 dangerous than lifts. Thousands of people are hurt (some seriously) on elevators each year.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escalator

Many people have toes and other digits 'removed' by escalators each year. They seriously are dangerous. Wearing open-toed sandals in very crowded conditions where many of the people are unfamiliar with their surroundings is crazy. I have seen a one girl with her toe ripped open. Take special care with children, they are the most likely to be hurt on escalators.

http://www.healthzone.ca/health/yourhealth/article/842095--so-many-ways-flip-flops-can-hurt-you

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4172888.stm

At one point, I had 14 pairs of golf shoes.
Tea Leoni

[sigh]

Week 30 - Cat Food

Question: What colour is cat food?
Cat food is pink in France and in the UK it's brown. Does the cat give a monkeys? (Do cats give monkeys?) No. So why the change in colour? It's to make the stupid owners think that the food is what the cat wants. The French eat many meats bloody, and those in the UK like their meat cooked. Owners expect their cats to have the same tastes (literally) as them. In other words, if I was going to eat cat food I would like it cooked or non-cooked depending where I live. It makes them feel better and the advertisers & supermarkets know this. It's a dog eat dog world in the hectic cat-food sales market. [I enclose a picture of Barney, a Spanish cat who likes to eat his dinner at the table. No trick photography was used here - the woof likes it up high so us dogs can't reach it!].
Now this makes sense, as cats themselves don't buy catfud, so appeal to the direct catfud buyer. Go straight to the horses mouth as it were. Why,,WHY did I need to know this I hear you mutter whilst dribbling your tea on your keyboard... and the answer is...that it is a metaphor. What is the difference between steak mince, normal mince and bargain budget mince? You assume that the difference is better quality meat. How can you tell? The only visible change is better packaging (or more appealing to the owner packaging), cost and ......err....COLOUR (no one tastes 'mince' on it's own). Surprise, surprise. In fact if you do some research you will find that there is no definition of 'steak mince'. I can be exactly the same as 'mince' or 'budget mince', but with just a darker production colour. There is no UK law on the definition of 'mince'. Don't buy 'mince', make your own and feed the scraps to any small quadruped at your feet (NO NOT THE WOOFING CAT!).

I will leave you with some cat quotes to speed your day as I could not find any mince quotes. Woof!

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. ~Joseph Wood Krutch

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days. ~Bill Dana

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through. ~Jules Verne Cats come and go without ever leaving. ~Martha Curtis

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. ~Joseph Wood Krutch

If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. ~Lemony Snicket

P.S....That quote made me think about mince..do they make cat-mince? ..err ..perhaps?

PP.S... No cats were injured in the making of this blog.