Week 32 - Supermarkets Bad

Supermarkets Bad! Why....

Fat dog has spent a lot of time tied up outside our local supermarket. I have seen many humans leave with so may items I'm sure they require. Please be aware that Lord Sainsbury paid for the last extension to the Tate Gallery; The Clore Gallery to house the Nations collection of Turner painting and drawings and the National Gallery extension in Trafalgar Square. He did this with your money and it cost 100's of millions of pounds.

Be aware that supermarkets are in the business of selling you not what you want, but what they want to sell you. This is the trick. To make you believe you are buying stuff you want (and need) when actually you are buying what they want you to buy and what they make the most profit on. Here are some points to look out for;


1) Portions - We throw away 30% of the food we buy. Supermarkets make portions too big. Buy x2 get one free is not necessary. Do not go for the buy one free offers, much of this is thrown away.


2) Placement - Supermarkets place what they want to sell you at eye level. Premium overpriced items go on the top shelf. Look on the bottom shelf for for the items they know we are going to buy and they make less profit on. In the old days mars bars were such a good seller they could put them anywhere, they sill sold, so why waste the prime space on them. often 'organic' items will be at eye level and within easy reach whilst the normal items are hard to get.

3) Offers - Offers are 'normally' fatty foods and sweets. Supermarkets do not have your health at heart. They want you BIGGER AND FATTER. Fatter people eat a lot more food. You will not see diet food on offer, normally they charge more for this. Do not buy x2 for 1 'offers' unless you were going to buy the product or you are a SUCKER!

4) 'Own Brand'. More and more shelf space is dedicated to 'own brand' products. The supermarkets make a bigger profit on these items. in the future I can see a time when most products are their own and they will start to hide this fact.

5) Packaging - OMG WOOF. 'Premium' range items will have 'premium' packaging to re-in force your pre-conceptions that they are worth the money. How on earth can you make people pay MUCH more for carrots? Well wash them really well and put them in a bag. Then you can charge x2 the price of loose carrots. I can see a time when all fruit and veg are sold 'in the bag'. Loose stuff is seen as 'dirty'. Not so. Don't believe this it's just another trick.

6) Size - 'Standard' vegetables and fruit - x3 big onions cost the same as a whole bag of 'budget' onions of varying size. Sod this. The basic fact is that not all onions grow to the same size. Try it, grow your own! You pay a lot more for regular sized items but please don't think this is normal.

7) Layout - Believe it or not, all supermarkets follow a similar overall layout. Fresh produce; fruit, vegetables, meat and dairy are all stocked around the outer limits of the store whereas pre-packed, processed and frozen foods are placed in the centre of the store.They do this on purpose. It means that to get to the stuff you need for your diet, you have to look at all the stuff you don’t. Then as you work your way through the aisles, you buy stuff you don’t need. You therefore spend more and they make more. Cunning isn’t it? They also keep staples such as bread and milk towards the back of the store in an attempt to get you to walk past almost everything else to find them. Plus, if you’re looking for tea bags, it’s no coincidence that biscuits are just next to them. Supermarkets pair up like for like products knowing that you’re more likely to end up buying both. You can beat them at their own game. Help your health and your wallet – stick to the perimeter. If you have to go into the middle, use the aisle signs to go straight to the product you need. Then you won’t be looking at unnecessary items.

8) Weight comparison - Supermarkets have to give the price per weight or volume of each item. It’s written underneath the price in much smaller writing. This is great for shoppers as it means we can look at how much the item really costs per 100g or kg. This way we can easily see how much we are really paying for an item and it helps us compare. However, to trip you up, supermarkets tend to show the price per unit in different amounts for similar products. For example they might mark own brand orange juice as 52p per litre and then they’ll mark Delmonte orange juice as 8p per 100ml. This is meant to confuse you and stop you being able to compare prices. It’s easy to beat them if you know your metric measurements though. A litre is 1000ml so that means that a litre of Delmonte costs 10 times 8p – 80p. This is actually more than the own brand, but it seems like it’s less when you just look at it because of the smaller unit measurement.Don’t let them fool you. Get measurement savvy and get the most for your money.

9) Local produce - Supermarkets hate local produce. They want national distribution only. Their suppliers have to supply to all the UK. Small local suppliers are useless to them as they want the same 'things' in all their shops, such that when you move about the country you can get the same items you normally buy at home. This is rubbish - CHAMPION LOCAL PRODUCE. Look at where your items come from, many suppliers are foreign in the supermarkets. STOP THIS!

10) Out of season - This is a basic wrong. You can now eat strawberries on Christmas day. Local producers can't do this. Apples are not 'fresh' all year round. This is NOT NORMAL' Most of this comes from abroad and is flown in. This is wrong. Stop buying out of season foods and the supermarkets will stop flying produce round the world. That is why food is so expensive.


How to beat the supermarket;

1) Try eating one or two vegetarian meals a week and you’ll be able to cut back on the meat you buy and save a small fortune.

2) Try not to visit the supermarket when all you need is 2 pints of milk – you’ll just end up buying things you don’t need, as well as wasting time and petrol.

3) Write a list - Go and ONLY get what you want on your pre-written list.

4) Don't shop at supermarkets! - There are plenty of other places to shop. Support your local butcher, baker and grocer. Even the 'corner' shop or 'village' shop is better. if you send the time you will realize that Supermarkets are not always cheaper or always convenient.

5) Grow your own food. It's easy and convenient to grow top quality fresh vegetables and fruit, so easy in fact that people have been doing this strange custom for tens of thousands of years.

6) Fresh squirrels are despite my complaints still not available at my local supermarket. However they roam free in the local woods and parks. [*special Fat Dog tip*]

Week 31 - Flip-Flops & Sandals

OMG, OMG, WOOF WOOF WOOFING WOOF-WOOF

1. Backpacks
2. Sunglasses
3. Flip Flops (sandals)

...on the underground.... Why! Take the Woofing sunglasses off your head, you are 30 metres under the ground, you don't need sunglasses! Backpacks are OK ..but take the woofing thing off and carry it so you don't shove it into the person when you turn round.

[Calm]... OK, so we have established that sunglasses and backpacks are more the attire of Michael Palin during a Summer sojourn in the Himalayas. What about the KILLER FLIP FLOPS!

======================================
====== FLIP-FLOPS ARE BEACH APPAREL ======
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I will repeat. Beach, remember, sand, sun and discarded plastic bottles? That is where you ware sandals..NOT ON THE WOOFING METRO!. FLIP-FLOPS ARE DANGEROUS. It is a fact that elevators are x20 dangerous than lifts. Thousands of people are hurt (some seriously) on elevators each year.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escalator

Many people have toes and other digits 'removed' by escalators each year. They seriously are dangerous. Wearing open-toed sandals in very crowded conditions where many of the people are unfamiliar with their surroundings is crazy. I have seen a one girl with her toe ripped open. Take special care with children, they are the most likely to be hurt on escalators.

http://www.healthzone.ca/health/yourhealth/article/842095--so-many-ways-flip-flops-can-hurt-you

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4172888.stm

At one point, I had 14 pairs of golf shoes.
Tea Leoni

[sigh]

Week 30 - Cat Food

Question: What colour is cat food?
Cat food is pink in France and in the UK it's brown. Does the cat give a monkeys? (Do cats give monkeys?) No. So why the change in colour? It's to make the stupid owners think that the food is what the cat wants. The French eat many meats bloody, and those in the UK like their meat cooked. Owners expect their cats to have the same tastes (literally) as them. In other words, if I was going to eat cat food I would like it cooked or non-cooked depending where I live. It makes them feel better and the advertisers & supermarkets know this. It's a dog eat dog world in the hectic cat-food sales market. [I enclose a picture of Barney, a Spanish cat who likes to eat his dinner at the table. No trick photography was used here - the woof likes it up high so us dogs can't reach it!].
Now this makes sense, as cats themselves don't buy catfud, so appeal to the direct catfud buyer. Go straight to the horses mouth as it were. Why,,WHY did I need to know this I hear you mutter whilst dribbling your tea on your keyboard... and the answer is...that it is a metaphor. What is the difference between steak mince, normal mince and bargain budget mince? You assume that the difference is better quality meat. How can you tell? The only visible change is better packaging (or more appealing to the owner packaging), cost and ......err....COLOUR (no one tastes 'mince' on it's own). Surprise, surprise. In fact if you do some research you will find that there is no definition of 'steak mince'. I can be exactly the same as 'mince' or 'budget mince', but with just a darker production colour. There is no UK law on the definition of 'mince'. Don't buy 'mince', make your own and feed the scraps to any small quadruped at your feet (NO NOT THE WOOFING CAT!).

I will leave you with some cat quotes to speed your day as I could not find any mince quotes. Woof!

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. ~Joseph Wood Krutch

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days. ~Bill Dana

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through. ~Jules Verne Cats come and go without ever leaving. ~Martha Curtis

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. ~Joseph Wood Krutch

If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. ~Lemony Snicket

P.S....That quote made me think about mince..do they make cat-mince? ..err ..perhaps?

PP.S... No cats were injured in the making of this blog.

Week 29 - Quiz1

The little dog ponders some very important questions of life...

Q1. Where do Polar Bears and Penguins live?
A) Polar Bears = North pole, Penguins South Pole
B) Polar Bears = South pole, Penguins North Pole
C) They both live at both poles

Q2. Every year what % of boys and girls are born in the UK?
A) More % boys are born
B) More % girls are born
C) Equal proportions boys and girls

Q3. How many types of Oak tree are native to the UK?
A) 2
B) 3
C) 4

Q4. How many months were in the Roman Calender?
A) 10
B) 11
C) 12

Q5. Wine gums are made mostly of?
A) Gelatin from boiled bovine skin
B) Gelatin from corn extract
C) Re-hydrated fruit extract?

Q6. Who has more accidents, Left or Right handed people?
A) Left
B) Right
C) The same

Q7. To last fresh longer where is the best place to keep Bananas and Tomatoes?
A) In a rack in the kitchen
B) In the fridge
C) Both the same, makes no difference

Q8. Did the Portuguese introduce chillies to India?
A) Yes, chillies came from the Caribbean to India, India only had peppercorns
B) No, chillies were introduced to the Caribbean from Indian in 1500
C) No, chillies came from the north pole with the travelling Penguins!






Well, I'll give you a little thinking time... the amazing answer is Q1.B Q2.C Q3.B Q5.A Q6.C. Q7.B Q8.B - Explanation: please ignore this last list of answers they are all wrong. I put them there for those who scan to the bottom to cheat. The correct (and very true) answer to all the questions is A (all of them) tomatoes and bananas go off faster in the fridge, left handed people use right handed tools and get hurt a lot. 0.2% more boys are born each year. Wine gums are mostly boiled cow with 5% fruit juice. Polar bears only live in the north pole and penguins only in the south. There were only 10 months in the Roman calender, Sept 7, Oct 8, Dec 10 the last two months January and February did not exist as you could not work the fields and yes the Portuguese introduced Vindaloo into the Goan region of India 500 years ago - Chillies, tomatoes, pepper, potatoes and corn are New World foods. Two types of Oak tree silly, it's in an earlier fat dog blog. So now you can amaze your friends and family down the pub with fat dog questions. woof woof!

Week 28 - Train Etiquette 1

Fat Dog's Do's & Don'ts for Commuter Train Travel:

1) Sit in the first seat you see.
2) Don't pick you nose.
3) Don't pick your ear.
4) Don't pick your feet.
5) In fact DON'T PICK ANYTHING!
6) Sit Still.
7) Do have a quiet conversation with your companions.
8) Don't shout down the woofing mobile as if you are on a wind swept mountain top and the call is a matter of life or death. IT'S NOT! SHUT THE WOOF UP!
9) If you are a big fat woof then don't sit next to another big fat woofer (this rule supersedes rule 1)
10) If you have to make a call then keep it short, keep it quiet and don't just 'chat'
11) If you are a woofing day tripper and are bored after siting still for more than 60 seconds then don't ring home to ask if they know the whereabouts of your woofing PINK JUMPER ....'well I wore it when we went to Samantha's and Jeremy's BBQ last Sunday!'
12) If you are hungry don't ring home to arrange pizza... 'can I have [pause].. tomato..fresh not canned, [pause], mushrooms, [pause], peppers, [pause] , err, [pause], bacon, [pause], err, [pause] ....
13) Don't arrange your wallet, phone, ipod, in a line in front of you on the table and constantly pick one after the other up and examine it.
14) If you are on a training day in London with Sharon, Tracey and Sandra then just shut the woof up! No one wants to listen to you go on and on and on and on about office politics! TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!
15) Don't ask to see any ones ticket even if you are a ticket conductor, they have gates at both ends and no one gives a woof.
16) If some woof in a coat does ask to see your ticket then take 20 seconds to get your wallet out, then very slowly find your ticket, drop it on the floor, then slowly pick it up and proffer it to the inspector, only to exclaim 'ohh sorry, that was my ticket to visit Auntie Doris last Sunday'
17) Never ever, ever, eat anything on a train.
18) Always when drinking ice cool drinks go 'Ahhhhhhhhhh' after every sip.
19) If there is a choice between two empty seats, then pick the woof who has piled up his woofing bag and coat in the empty seat. Never offer to put it on the rack for them.
20) & never put anything in the overhead rack ..ever, you will forget it.
21) Never put your bag in the vestibule rack - once a bag full of IRA 'stuff' was stolen from a vestibule rack at Reading Station. This goes to show that both thieves and the IRA are crazy. The thief got two miles away before he realized he had a bag full of wires and batteries etc.
22) Don't repeatedly lift the back of seat shelf.
23) TAKE YOUR RUBBISH WITH YOU OR PUT IT IN THE VESTIBULE BIN! THIS INCLUDES EMPTY COFFEE CONTAINERS AND DIRTY TISSUES.
24) LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW WHILST MAKING A VERY ANNOYING PERSONAL CALL DOES NOT MAKE THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU 'DISAPPEAR'.
25) NO FARTING
26) AND NO WOOFING COUGHING, SNEEZING OR BLOWING YOUR NOSE, GO TO THE VESTIBULE/TOILET. IF YOU ARE SICK AND GOING TO WORK YOU ARE NOT A MARTYR YOU ARE A C.. WOOF!
27) NEVER TAKE MORE THAN 1/2 THE CENTRE ARMREST.
28) NEVER MAKE THE SAME WOOFING CALL TO ALL 25 OF YOUR FRIENDS TO TELL THEM ABOUT SOME INSIGNIFICANT HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU THINK IS EXCITING = 'HEY, GUESS WHAT! I FOUND MY PINK JUMPER! IT WAS IN THE CAT BASKET, YES IT WAS'
29) DON'T RING HOME TO DISCUSS HOW YOUR AMAZING TRAINING DAY WENT.
30) ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AND DRIBBLE ON THE SHOULDER OF THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO YOU.
31) When you have got the hang of DRIBBLING then try SLOBBERING, they will give you even more room!
32) Do remain calm at all times and enjoy your journey.
33) ZZZZZZZZzzzz [dribble] ZZZZZZzzzzzz [dribble] [dribble]ZZZzzz ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

Week 27 - Monkey Art On The Moon

Dogs can read you know. We tear up the paper to hide the fact that we slobber on the pages whilst turning them. I read yesterday that there might be an art chip left on the moon. FAT DOG prefers the Internet and news like this is my favorite!

PBS’s History Detectives TV says there’s a tiny art museum on the moon. This rectangular, half-inch-by-three-quarter-inch ceramic chip was stowed away by the Apollo 12 crew on the great lunar schlep and it’s still up there.
The group canvas is mostly circuitry-esque, geometric shapes. Robert Rauschenberg drew a line. Claes Oldenburg drew Mickey Mouse’s head on a pike with his tongue jutting out. Andy Warhol drew a rocket. The kind that’s in your pants.

Mickey Mouse? Looks like a monkey to me!

LINK 1

LINK2

Week 26 - A Cure for Hiccups!

Dogs don't get hiccups. But this one really works on humans... trust me this is not a joke.

THE CURE: Place your fingers in your ears and drink water. You can either get a friend to gently tip half a glass(don't use full glass) to your mouth or use a straw. One good sip and swallow works by equalizing the pressure in your ears. Works every time to everyone's amazement.

Just tell them a little dog told you the secret!

Week 25 - Culture Is Not Just For Dogs?

Look at these two contemporary images from the 1560's.... 450 years ago. That is something like 20 generations past. Look at the centre of both images. Something is going on out of context. Can you see what it is? The message is that miracles go on all about us, our daily life continues and we miss the important events.

LINK 1

LINK 2


Explanation: Procession to Calvary, Pieter Bruegel, 1564. oil on panel 124x170cm, Kunsthistorisches Museum - This panoramic biblical scene is one of the most perfect depictions of humanity's mocking cruelty, insensitivity, and capacity for love. The scene set in a incredibly beautiful and haunting landscape is filled with as much laughter as it is terror. The clouds give the impression that God is just over the horizon and is not at all pleased with humanity. The notion that life goes on even in the face of brutality and terror makes this scene all the more compelling. Christ carries the cross in the centre whilst Mary weeps in the foreground. The soldiers gather in the top right. The crow waits for death (top right). So look again....


Explanation: The Census at Bethlehem, Pieter Bruegel, 1566 - Oil on oak, 116 x 164 cm. Musées Royaux des Beaux-Arts, Brussels - It is Christmas. A cozy winter tableau of an average village in Brabant. The inn is crowded. In mid-foreground, a woman seated on an ass, in the company of a man with a saw on his shoulder leading an ox – Mary and Joseph, of course, on their way to Bethlehem. In the exact centre of the picture is the Wheel of Time...


..if you don't look you don't see.

DETAIL 1


DETAIL 2

Week 24 - Beef, Couscous Salad

STEAK & COUSCOUS SALAD *****

Beef steak - cut into strips.
Lettuce shredded.
Lemon.
Couscous.
Tomatoes - vine x2
Olive oil - x4 caps
Balsamic vinegar - x2 caps
Greek yogurt
Mint fresh
Coriander
English mustard - x1 heaped teaspoon
Whole gran mustard - x1 heaped teaspoon
Bell peeper x1 cut into thumb size pieces
Small chillies x2

There are four elements for this dish

1) the beef,
2) a mint/lemon/coriander yogurt dressing,
3) tomatoes in mustard
4) & couscous and peppers.

An amazing salad for summer. For the yogurt dressing mix chopped coriander, chopped mint with cup of plain yogurt and add good squeeze of lemon, salt and pepper. Then chill in fridge. Pour boiling water onto a cup full of couscous in a bowl then pour off excess water straight away and stir in chopped mint and coriander. Cover, stir and set aside. Shred lettuce and chill in fridge. Slice the tomatoes then put in small bowl with the olive oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, chopped chillies, and both mustards. Stir to coat and cover and chill in fridge. Leave all this in fridge to chill and after 30min quickly fry the chopped bell pepper and add to the couscous then fry the beef strips with salt and pepper in a pan with the olive oil. Serve (the tomato oil/mustard dressing goes on the salad). Just as good cold as hot.

Week 23 - Clothes or Fur?

The little dog sits in the shade. It's a hot day in his home town. Fur can be awkward in the summer. But rest is not for this little canine as today he must again perambulate the subterranean maze that is know as The London Underground! Now, the four pawed little chap does not have to spend time 'getting ready'. He will venture out in the fur he stands up in. Not so for his master and the plenitude of two-pawed troglodytes he will encounter on his sojourn.

However these quotes show that there is hope for the Human Race:

"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes" ~Henry David Thoreau, Walden

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" ~Linda Ellerbee

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society" ~Mark Twain

"If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies.... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it" ~Albert Einstein

"Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe" ~Benny Hill

"Just around the corner in every woman's mind - is a lovely dress, a wonderful suit, or entire costume which will make an enchanting new creature of her" ~Wilhela Cushman

"When you can't do something truly useful, you tend to vent the pent up energy in something useless but available, like snappy dressing." ~Lois McMaster Bujold

"Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly" ~Epictetus

"Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are" ~Quentin Crisp

"It's always the badly dressed people who are the most interesting" ~Jean Paul Gaultier


Fat Dog nods. Woof!