WEEK 9 - Remember To Perambulate Your Quadraped

The scene:

A quiet county house on a Summers day. An elderly lady shuffles about the large well groomed garden. She holds a black metal coal shovel in one hand and a red rubber ball in the other.

Daisy the Doberman loved to play a game. It's very simple; throw the ball and she would chased it. Then she would return with the ball and drop it in the grass and even kick it at you until you threw it again. Sometimes, If she felt energetic then she would run directly at you. Then at the last second with the skill of a swerving dolphin she would just miss you. Her velocity was about 15mph. Like a bicycle going fast. A racing greyhound can do 37.5 mph, and Doberman have a lot of greyhound in them, notice the deep chest and long head and pointy snout.

OK that's the dog.

The lady was in the garden for a reason. She held the coal shovel with intent. She was scooping up dog mess from the garden. The sun was shining and all was pleasant..... that was about to change...

On one of Daisys return legs something went wrong. The lady had almost filled the shovel. It was getting heavy. She was just bending down to pick a last troublesome offering when ...yes... Daisy travelling faster than usual made a mistake. The dog hit the lady in the legs at full pelt. Now the effect of a 40kg dog hitting you in the legs at 15 mph is to hurl you into the air... and slightly forward...

The lady landed hard on the ground. Unfortunately she landed in the 'non grassy' area. Worse was to come...

The shovel.. hung in the air as it reached the zenith of its arc then it descended back to earth with Newtonian precision.

The lady was in fact in pain. She could not move. She did roll a little, somewhat compounding matters. Now Daisy, with no ill effects, had regained her four feet, found the ball and quickly returned to to resume the game. However the lady appeared to want to play another sort of game as she was writhing on the grass and making funny noises. Daisy decided this was a prompt for her to lick the lady's face to see if she could help out. As dogs do. We are kind like that. Always helpful dogs you know. Good in a crisis.

So there you have it. I believe this scene went on for some time. The lady was unable to stand up in her ....distress as there was a 40kg dog standing over her. My master recounts the tale as when he appeared on the scene the lady had managed to make it indoors ejecting the words 'where have you been, I've been calling for ages!'

..and the moral for this weeks story? Fat Dog says: Walk your dog, or else!