Week 29 - Quiz1

The little dog ponders some very important questions of life...

Q1. Where do Polar Bears and Penguins live?
A) Polar Bears = North pole, Penguins South Pole
B) Polar Bears = South pole, Penguins North Pole
C) They both live at both poles

Q2. Every year what % of boys and girls are born in the UK?
A) More % boys are born
B) More % girls are born
C) Equal proportions boys and girls

Q3. How many types of Oak tree are native to the UK?
A) 2
B) 3
C) 4

Q4. How many months were in the Roman Calender?
A) 10
B) 11
C) 12

Q5. Wine gums are made mostly of?
A) Gelatin from boiled bovine skin
B) Gelatin from corn extract
C) Re-hydrated fruit extract?

Q6. Who has more accidents, Left or Right handed people?
A) Left
B) Right
C) The same

Q7. To last fresh longer where is the best place to keep Bananas and Tomatoes?
A) In a rack in the kitchen
B) In the fridge
C) Both the same, makes no difference

Q8. Did the Portuguese introduce chillies to India?
A) Yes, chillies came from the Caribbean to India, India only had peppercorns
B) No, chillies were introduced to the Caribbean from Indian in 1500
C) No, chillies came from the north pole with the travelling Penguins!






Well, I'll give you a little thinking time... the amazing answer is Q1.B Q2.C Q3.B Q5.A Q6.C. Q7.B Q8.B - Explanation: please ignore this last list of answers they are all wrong. I put them there for those who scan to the bottom to cheat. The correct (and very true) answer to all the questions is A (all of them) tomatoes and bananas go off faster in the fridge, left handed people use right handed tools and get hurt a lot. 0.2% more boys are born each year. Wine gums are mostly boiled cow with 5% fruit juice. Polar bears only live in the north pole and penguins only in the south. There were only 10 months in the Roman calender, Sept 7, Oct 8, Dec 10 the last two months January and February did not exist as you could not work the fields and yes the Portuguese introduced Vindaloo into the Goan region of India 500 years ago - Chillies, tomatoes, pepper, potatoes and corn are New World foods. Two types of Oak tree silly, it's in an earlier fat dog blog. So now you can amaze your friends and family down the pub with fat dog questions. woof woof!

Week 28 - Train Etiquette 1

Fat Dog's Do's & Don'ts for Commuter Train Travel:

1) Sit in the first seat you see.
2) Don't pick you nose.
3) Don't pick your ear.
4) Don't pick your feet.
5) In fact DON'T PICK ANYTHING!
6) Sit Still.
7) Do have a quiet conversation with your companions.
8) Don't shout down the woofing mobile as if you are on a wind swept mountain top and the call is a matter of life or death. IT'S NOT! SHUT THE WOOF UP!
9) If you are a big fat woof then don't sit next to another big fat woofer (this rule supersedes rule 1)
10) If you have to make a call then keep it short, keep it quiet and don't just 'chat'
11) If you are a woofing day tripper and are bored after siting still for more than 60 seconds then don't ring home to ask if they know the whereabouts of your woofing PINK JUMPER ....'well I wore it when we went to Samantha's and Jeremy's BBQ last Sunday!'
12) If you are hungry don't ring home to arrange pizza... 'can I have [pause].. tomato..fresh not canned, [pause], mushrooms, [pause], peppers, [pause] , err, [pause], bacon, [pause], err, [pause] ....
13) Don't arrange your wallet, phone, ipod, in a line in front of you on the table and constantly pick one after the other up and examine it.
14) If you are on a training day in London with Sharon, Tracey and Sandra then just shut the woof up! No one wants to listen to you go on and on and on and on about office politics! TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!
15) Don't ask to see any ones ticket even if you are a ticket conductor, they have gates at both ends and no one gives a woof.
16) If some woof in a coat does ask to see your ticket then take 20 seconds to get your wallet out, then very slowly find your ticket, drop it on the floor, then slowly pick it up and proffer it to the inspector, only to exclaim 'ohh sorry, that was my ticket to visit Auntie Doris last Sunday'
17) Never ever, ever, eat anything on a train.
18) Always when drinking ice cool drinks go 'Ahhhhhhhhhh' after every sip.
19) If there is a choice between two empty seats, then pick the woof who has piled up his woofing bag and coat in the empty seat. Never offer to put it on the rack for them.
20) & never put anything in the overhead rack ..ever, you will forget it.
21) Never put your bag in the vestibule rack - once a bag full of IRA 'stuff' was stolen from a vestibule rack at Reading Station. This goes to show that both thieves and the IRA are crazy. The thief got two miles away before he realized he had a bag full of wires and batteries etc.
22) Don't repeatedly lift the back of seat shelf.
23) TAKE YOUR RUBBISH WITH YOU OR PUT IT IN THE VESTIBULE BIN! THIS INCLUDES EMPTY COFFEE CONTAINERS AND DIRTY TISSUES.
24) LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW WHILST MAKING A VERY ANNOYING PERSONAL CALL DOES NOT MAKE THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU 'DISAPPEAR'.
25) NO FARTING
26) AND NO WOOFING COUGHING, SNEEZING OR BLOWING YOUR NOSE, GO TO THE VESTIBULE/TOILET. IF YOU ARE SICK AND GOING TO WORK YOU ARE NOT A MARTYR YOU ARE A C.. WOOF!
27) NEVER TAKE MORE THAN 1/2 THE CENTRE ARMREST.
28) NEVER MAKE THE SAME WOOFING CALL TO ALL 25 OF YOUR FRIENDS TO TELL THEM ABOUT SOME INSIGNIFICANT HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU THINK IS EXCITING = 'HEY, GUESS WHAT! I FOUND MY PINK JUMPER! IT WAS IN THE CAT BASKET, YES IT WAS'
29) DON'T RING HOME TO DISCUSS HOW YOUR AMAZING TRAINING DAY WENT.
30) ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AND DRIBBLE ON THE SHOULDER OF THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO YOU.
31) When you have got the hang of DRIBBLING then try SLOBBERING, they will give you even more room!
32) Do remain calm at all times and enjoy your journey.
33) ZZZZZZZZzzzz [dribble] ZZZZZZzzzzzz [dribble] [dribble]ZZZzzz ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

Week 27 - Monkey Art On The Moon

Dogs can read you know. We tear up the paper to hide the fact that we slobber on the pages whilst turning them. I read yesterday that there might be an art chip left on the moon. FAT DOG prefers the Internet and news like this is my favorite!

PBS’s History Detectives TV says there’s a tiny art museum on the moon. This rectangular, half-inch-by-three-quarter-inch ceramic chip was stowed away by the Apollo 12 crew on the great lunar schlep and it’s still up there.
The group canvas is mostly circuitry-esque, geometric shapes. Robert Rauschenberg drew a line. Claes Oldenburg drew Mickey Mouse’s head on a pike with his tongue jutting out. Andy Warhol drew a rocket. The kind that’s in your pants.

Mickey Mouse? Looks like a monkey to me!

LINK 1

LINK2

Week 26 - A Cure for Hiccups!

Dogs don't get hiccups. But this one really works on humans... trust me this is not a joke.

THE CURE: Place your fingers in your ears and drink water. You can either get a friend to gently tip half a glass(don't use full glass) to your mouth or use a straw. One good sip and swallow works by equalizing the pressure in your ears. Works every time to everyone's amazement.

Just tell them a little dog told you the secret!

Week 25 - Culture Is Not Just For Dogs?

Look at these two contemporary images from the 1560's.... 450 years ago. That is something like 20 generations past. Look at the centre of both images. Something is going on out of context. Can you see what it is? The message is that miracles go on all about us, our daily life continues and we miss the important events.

LINK 1

LINK 2


Explanation: Procession to Calvary, Pieter Bruegel, 1564. oil on panel 124x170cm, Kunsthistorisches Museum - This panoramic biblical scene is one of the most perfect depictions of humanity's mocking cruelty, insensitivity, and capacity for love. The scene set in a incredibly beautiful and haunting landscape is filled with as much laughter as it is terror. The clouds give the impression that God is just over the horizon and is not at all pleased with humanity. The notion that life goes on even in the face of brutality and terror makes this scene all the more compelling. Christ carries the cross in the centre whilst Mary weeps in the foreground. The soldiers gather in the top right. The crow waits for death (top right). So look again....


Explanation: The Census at Bethlehem, Pieter Bruegel, 1566 - Oil on oak, 116 x 164 cm. Musées Royaux des Beaux-Arts, Brussels - It is Christmas. A cozy winter tableau of an average village in Brabant. The inn is crowded. In mid-foreground, a woman seated on an ass, in the company of a man with a saw on his shoulder leading an ox – Mary and Joseph, of course, on their way to Bethlehem. In the exact centre of the picture is the Wheel of Time...


..if you don't look you don't see.

DETAIL 1


DETAIL 2

Week 24 - Beef, Couscous Salad

STEAK & COUSCOUS SALAD *****

Beef steak - cut into strips.
Lettuce shredded.
Lemon.
Couscous.
Tomatoes - vine x2
Olive oil - x4 caps
Balsamic vinegar - x2 caps
Greek yogurt
Mint fresh
Coriander
English mustard - x1 heaped teaspoon
Whole gran mustard - x1 heaped teaspoon
Bell peeper x1 cut into thumb size pieces
Small chillies x2

There are four elements for this dish

1) the beef,
2) a mint/lemon/coriander yogurt dressing,
3) tomatoes in mustard
4) & couscous and peppers.

An amazing salad for summer. For the yogurt dressing mix chopped coriander, chopped mint with cup of plain yogurt and add good squeeze of lemon, salt and pepper. Then chill in fridge. Pour boiling water onto a cup full of couscous in a bowl then pour off excess water straight away and stir in chopped mint and coriander. Cover, stir and set aside. Shred lettuce and chill in fridge. Slice the tomatoes then put in small bowl with the olive oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, chopped chillies, and both mustards. Stir to coat and cover and chill in fridge. Leave all this in fridge to chill and after 30min quickly fry the chopped bell pepper and add to the couscous then fry the beef strips with salt and pepper in a pan with the olive oil. Serve (the tomato oil/mustard dressing goes on the salad). Just as good cold as hot.

Week 23 - Clothes or Fur?

The little dog sits in the shade. It's a hot day in his home town. Fur can be awkward in the summer. But rest is not for this little canine as today he must again perambulate the subterranean maze that is know as The London Underground! Now, the four pawed little chap does not have to spend time 'getting ready'. He will venture out in the fur he stands up in. Not so for his master and the plenitude of two-pawed troglodytes he will encounter on his sojourn.

However these quotes show that there is hope for the Human Race:

"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes" ~Henry David Thoreau, Walden

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" ~Linda Ellerbee

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society" ~Mark Twain

"If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies.... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it" ~Albert Einstein

"Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe" ~Benny Hill

"Just around the corner in every woman's mind - is a lovely dress, a wonderful suit, or entire costume which will make an enchanting new creature of her" ~Wilhela Cushman

"When you can't do something truly useful, you tend to vent the pent up energy in something useless but available, like snappy dressing." ~Lois McMaster Bujold

"Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly" ~Epictetus

"Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are" ~Quentin Crisp

"It's always the badly dressed people who are the most interesting" ~Jean Paul Gaultier


Fat Dog nods. Woof!

Week 22 - Plastic

The little dog sniffs the plastic container. 'PLASTIC!' thinks Fat Dog. The dog rolls the bottle over so he can see the bottom. The bottle has a number '1' in a triangle mark on the base. 'What does this mean' thinks the little dog? In the UK humans only recycle the plastic marked with either a 1, 2 or a 3. The other types of plastic (from 4 to 7) can be recycled but they are low grades and humans use they to fill up very large holes in the ground. So remember Fat Dog says look at the number on the base! 1,2,3 is good and must be recycled. They get the FAT DOG SQUIRREL MARK of approval! If in doubt, think FAT DOG and look for the triangle mark & remember 123 PET-HDPE-PVC


1 PET Polyethylene terephthalate - Fizzy drink bottles and oven-ready meal trays.

2 HDPE High-density polyethylene - Bottles for milk and washing-up liquids.

3 PVC Polyvinyl chloride - Food trays, cling film, bottles for squash, mineral water and shampoo.

4 LDPE Low density polyethylene - Carrier bags and bin liners.

5 PP Polypropylene - Margarine tubs, microwaveable meal trays.

6 PS Polystyrene - Yoghurt pots, foam meat or fish trays, hamburger boxes and egg cartons, vending cups, plastic cutlery, protective packaging for electronic goods and toys.

7 OTHER Any other plastics that do not fall into any of the above categories. - An example is melamine, which is often used in plastic plates and cups.

More information here: http://www.wasteonline.org.uk/resources/InformationSheets/Plastics.htm

Week 21 - Squirrles! To Eat Or Not To Eat?

Did you know, that Red squirrels are protected. So even if you find a stunned one by the side of the road you can't chew it. However Grey squirrels are a different matter....

Grey Squirrels:

Grey squirrels are listed on schedule 9 of the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981. This makes it an offence to release, or allow escape, into the wild any grey squirrel. It is also an offence, by an Order under the Destructive Imported Animals Act 1932, to keep or import grey squirrels except under licence.

So, If for example you find a stunned grey squirrel by the side of the road this then puts you in a dilemma. You are breaking the law if you release it and it is also an offence to keep it... the solution to this paradox is obvious ...a tasty snack! Problem solved!

Week 20 - The Marshmello Test

Marshmello Test, you will need sound.

Editor: Warning, this test does not apply to dogs.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amsqeYOk--w